Ah, Chrono Trigger. It’s a classic RPG that it seems like everyone has vivid and cherished memories of… except for me! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve played the game and really enjoyed my time with it, but that was like twenty years ago! I don’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday, let alone specific details from a game I played two decades ago!
Mostly what I do remember is that I really loved the art style for the game, curteousy of Akira Toriyama of DragonBall and Dragon Quest fame. So, with that in mind I’d like to share with you the greatest tribute to Chrono Trigger that I’m capable of: A review and rating of every character based only on their appearances.
Note: The character portraits below were found on ChronoCompendium.com, an excellent resource for Chrono-type research.
This gal is ready to absolutely destroy anyone who even looks at her the wrong way. She’s clearly a believer in the concept of stepping silently while carrying a big stick, and is also rocking the most perfectly sculpted head of hair I’ve ever seen paired with Neanderthal-Chic.
She gets bonus points for coordinating one color of fur across all of her clothing, as little as she has.
On the downside, thick fur suggests a cold climate, in which case pants could really make a difference.
8 / 10
I’m not sure if this game came out before Trunks showed up… but either way I’m glad that the combination of Saiyan + Sword looks rad regardless of what extreme haircolor the character has. On the other hand the loose tunic this character is wearing isn’t nearly as cool as Trunks purple leather jacket, though it’s probably more functional.
Bonus points on this one come from the enormous fanny-pack, which explains how characters in video games can carry so many potions and other accoutrements.
While headbands and handkerchiefs both have their place in a fashion statement, wearing both together reeks of trying too hard.
5000 / 9000+
Teenage Steampunk Robot Turtle
This metal friend looks *outstanding*! He’s got a solid, shiny shell in all the places where it makes sense, and squishy leather sleeves everywhere he needs to flex. It’s like I can feel every material on their body just by looking at him.
As if this character wasn’t perfect enough already, they have Samus-style arm cannon. I wonder if they can roll into an impossibly small ball, as well?
I do have to deduct a point based on the crotchal region, though. I don’t have a problem with a robot wearing a loin-cloth, but if you’re going to wear one at least make sure it’s long enough to cover what you’re working with.
9 / 10
The Sad Reaper
I think this is the character whose backstory I’m most interested in. Why is he so sad? How did he manage to make his cape so pointy? Does he realize that he put his leather underpants on outside of his purple jeggings, or is that possibly why he is so sad?
On the plus side, this character is rocking the coolest wallet chain I have ever seen.
Unfortunately, he broke the spurs off the back of his boots, so I’ll have to knock the score down a bit for that.
🙁 / 10
Pretty sure this character came about by sticking Bulma into a blender with Velma… hence: Vulma! What I dig here is that there is so much we can learn about this character just by looking at her image. Her helmet with a microphone tells me that she’s in charge of communications. Her hip pouch and messenger bag tells me that she’s going to be prepared in any situation. Her mallet tells me that she’s ready to play croquet at a moment’s notice!
Bonus points for anachronistic but outstanding glasses.
Take a peak at those socks, though… I’m sure that they are supposed to be brown to coordinate with her undershirt, but they just look dirty to me. Points off.
8 / 10
Once again, this character design is so informative! Based on the armor, sword, and shield, he’s clearly a warrior of some sort, while the long cape with extra fabric around the neck speaks of wandering alone through cold, dark environments. Also, he’s a frog.
I really love the color coordination here… the yellow on his boots matches the brassy metal on his armor, while the blue gloves and boots match the bag on his waist.
Hey, wait… check out those boots… this is a frog, but he’s got pointed boots? So many negative points for how uncomfortable that must be!
5 / 10
The Ginyu Force
Okay, it’s definitely been a while since I’ve watched the Namek Saga of Dragon Ball Z, but this is just The Ginyu Force, right? There’s the purple one, the one who can turn into a frog, and Freeza, a girl capable of blowing up a planet!
The strongest part of this teams looks is the balance between comfort and function. Frogger is wearing an armored mumu, Purps has an elegant robe and a lethal sword, while Freeza is dressed to impress, but with an easily accessible cap for when she wants to be less of a stunner.
On the downside, other than “white cloaks” there’s not a lot of team cohesion here. Having a uniform can really help build up a bond, promoting efficient cooperation.
3 / 3
The Warrior Sorceress
There’s sort of two stories going on here, based on this character’s look. Her robe and wild hair tell me she’s a masterful wielder of the dark arts, who draws her arcane power from a pact with a demon that probably thinks it’s on equal footing with her, but secretly she tricked into servitude. On the other hand, the pauldrons on her shoulders suggest she’s ready to wade into the fray of battle.
Her dress and cape are one of the best examples of color on this entire list, they look fantastic.
That hair, though… that’s like the worst fantasy mullet I’ve ever seen!
400 / 666
The Warrior Sorceress (Bedtime Edition)
This is just The Warrior Princess in her jammies.
Bonus points for making bedtime look elegant.
Negative points for having the same character on this list twice.
Zzz / 10
Come on, Chrono Trigger, this is clearly just an aged up Temple Fugate from the Batman Animated Series taking a precisely scheduled snooze.
I do appreciate that he’s upgraded to a bow tie… that’s a good look.
Hang on, what’s that coming out of his nose? Is that a big bubble? Why is that there!?
3 / 12 o’clock
This girl is clearly out for adventure. She’s literally leaping into action with a loaded crossbow in hand. She’ll raid your tombs and put an arrow between your eyes without a second thought.
I would be impressed by her wallet chain, except for The Sad Reaper setting a new standard for that specific accessory. Instead, I applaud Lara Crossbow for her completely functional hairstyle.
On the downside, she’s wearing open toed shoes into battle. That’s going to lead to crushed extremities and we all know it.
Toe / 10
This guy is, like, 18” tall, right? He looks like he has to be so, so, so small.. But that doesn’t stop him from clearly being from the king of all lizards. The armor and the skull pauldrins make it clear that he will defend his throne with force and no remorse.
I especially love that he colormatched his cape (which is presumably made out of a napkin, given his stature) with his hands and feet… which are for some reason a completely different color from the rest of his body.
While there is no doubt in my mind that this character is a king, it’s disappointing that his portrait didn’t include his crown.
13 / 18”
Grandpa Gohan Goes to Washington
You know, for a weird mountain hermit, Grandpa Gohan can really clean up when he wants to. Put on a nice purple suit and a decorative cape and he looks downright regal!
The colors here really are fantastic. The purple and orange just go together beautifully, while the white of the shawl and his facial hair add a touch of elegance to the ensemble.
There’s really not much for me to mark down here… This is a nice, complete LOOK AT THAT THING BEHIND HIS LEGS OH LAWD WHAT IS THAT!?
MAKE IT STOP I HATE IT OH NO / 10
Aaaand…That's Enough, Right? Right.
Well, hopefully, you've had as much fun looking at Toriyama's character designs for Chrono Trigger as I have. Remember to check out the entire Chrono Trigger 25th Anniversary Celebration going on at Geek to Geek, where people who have played way more of the game than I have (read: any) say all sorts of great things about it.